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Updated: Oct 19, 2018

DAY 4 + RELATIONSHIP SHIFTS ———————————————————

Oh gosh, all I can think is my poor hubby. He probably feels like chopped liver 😩💕

🔹That being said...I’ll start with the good again...when Kenzo arrived my love for @christianmarc grew even stronger and I believe he would say the same for me, if asked. It was a new love. A deeper bond. Our baby was here, in our arms. So from that aspect it so was incredible to see how amazing he was as a father, even though he already is a father to two amazing older boys.

🔹Motherhood is all encompassing. It takes every ounce of your being, so it’s easy to forget everything else and get lost in the abyss of it. Which is what I have done, in turn, leaving my relationship to the wayside. My hubby is one of the most patient, understanding & kind men I’ve ever met so he’s never made me feel bad for putting us on the back burner, but I know it’s a bummer for him and myself too.

🔹Our communication since the beginning has been pretty solid. Being a postpartum Doula, I know that communication is so important for new parents during this time. Not every day has been easy by any means, we’ve had some really tough days, but thankfully the good outweighs the bad.

🔹When I say our relationship was left on the wayside...I mean the waaaaayside. Sure we do stuff together all the time, but ALWAYS with Kenzo and never just the two of us. It wasn’t until last week that we finally had our bedroom to ourselves.

🔹Making a conscious effort to spend more time together, just us two has finally become a priority to me. Back to yesterday’s recalibration of self. Reconnecting deeper spiritually. Going back out together like we used to(minus me getting as intoxicated as before) dancing, laughing, movie nights...those days aren’t over, they are just not as frequent. That’s okay, as long as we take time for one another.

🔹Continued communication...I can’t stress this enough. I am a talker, I believe in discussing all aspects of nearly everything. In turn, hubby doesn’t have a choice but to talk it out with me.

Be kind to one another. Find time for one another. Support one another.

DAY 3 + RECALIBRATION OF THE SELF + .🔹This is going to be a long + vulnerable one. I’ll start with the good...when I had Kenzo, everything I had ever imagined I was meant to be happened. I felt as though this is what my entire life had lead me to become. A Mother. Not a career women, not the best at this or that...but a mother. So there I was. A new mother. A changed woman. I felt and still feel on top of the world being a mother. 🔹That being said, recalibrating MYSELF is still a work in progress. 

I am NOT just a mother. 

I am a singular woman. 

I am a partner. 

I am a stepmother & there are other people in my life outside of me and bébé.

🔹This has been tough. Learning how to juggle everything. I won’t lie, motherhood has been my #1 priority and I have put my relationship on the back burner. Not because I don’t care or absolutely LOVE @christianmarc but as time passes, I am learning(and accepting) that in order for bébé to thrive, mama & papa also have to thrive.

🔹This is where I don’t fully feel myself. I haven’t found a healthy way to balance being a mother, a wife & allowing myself to do things for ME. Basically, if I can’t do it with Kenzo, then I don’t want to do it. Even saying that, I know it’s not healthy. He needs time away from me, I need MY OWN time. Christian & I NEED our OWN time. I have become increasingly more aware of the importance of these things in the last month or so...but even then it’s taken me 7 months to finally interview a babysitter.

🔹Mom guilt is no joke. No matter how many times I tell myself, doing things for yourself or as a couple is NOT selfish, each time I try to get the courage to do it, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for enjoying myself without our son or without Christian. It’s crazy honestly. I feel guilty being a stay at home mom & not financially providing so I fight with myself on whether I should go back to work sooner.


🔹So here I am. 7 months & some days later. Day by day I am recalibrating and finding my balance. Finding that strong woman inside of me again, who is not only a mom, but a kick ass wife, friend & woman! I will get there. I try not to be to hard on myself because. DAMN, this shit is hard sometimes! @mattersofmotherhood

DAY 2 + FOOD +


📷: @christianmarc 3 days after birth bringing me lunch in bed


🔹Postpartum Food is a source of physical & mental healing...Coming from a vegan Mother who eats plant based and virtually zero processed foods, food for me during Postpartum was full of nutrient dense whole plant foods. I still remember our first meal after my birth. My mom made the most amazing salad full of so much goodness. She fed everyone, not just me...but hubby @christianmarc + my midwife @losangelesmidwife & Joanna our 2nd midwife. (Sara, pretty sure you remember that salad)

🔹It was really important that I eat healthy, clean plant based foods during this time. I feel extremely fortunate to have a mother who was there for me(us) during this time and every day made sure I was eating breakfast/lunch/dinner with all the vitamins & protein I needed. If she wasn’t cooking, then my hubby was making something delicious or we would indulge in the food that people had delivered to us. I haven’t eaten meat since 2008 and I cut out fish 2 years ago...that being said, I know where and how to get all the nutrients I need to maintain a healthy mind and body.

🔹Postpartum staples for me included:

🔹A LOT of Salads (spinach/Kale/arugula) packed with nuts and lots of veggies. .

🔹Soups - lentils, all different veggie soups

🔹Occasionally cous cous or pasta

🔹Smoothies packed with things like spirulina/maca & other super foods. Vegan yogurt with fruit and granola

🔹I’ve never been a breakfast smoothies were good for me, but on days I didn’t want that at all...I would have potatoes & vegan sausage. .

🔹Overall, postpartum foods were a source of love, physical and mental healing. I truly believe you are what you eat and clean eating is a cure for so many ailments. Everything was made with love and nearly all came straight from the ground...Mother Earth 🌏 


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