DAY 3 + RECALIBRATION OF THE SELF + .🔹This is going to be a long + vulnerable one. I’ll start with the good...when I had Kenzo, everything I had ever imagined I was meant to be happened. I felt as though this is what my entire life had lead me to become. A Mother. Not a career women, not the best at this or that...but a mother. So there I was. A new mother. A changed woman. I felt and still feel on top of the world being a mother. 🔹That being said, recalibrating MYSELF is still a work in progress.
I am NOT just a mother.
I am a singular woman.
I am a partner.
I am a stepmother & there are other people in my life outside of me and bébé.
🔹This has been tough. Learning how to juggle everything. I won’t lie, motherhood has been my #1 priority and I have put my relationship on the back burner. Not because I don’t care or absolutely LOVE @christianmarc but as time passes, I am learning(and accepting) that in order for bébé to thrive, mama & papa also have to thrive.
🔹This is where I don’t fully feel myself. I haven’t found a healthy way to balance being a mother, a wife & allowing myself to do things for ME. Basically, if I can’t do it with Kenzo, then I don’t want to do it. Even saying that, I know it’s not healthy. He needs time away from me, I need MY OWN time. Christian & I NEED our OWN time. I have become increasingly more aware of the importance of these things in the last month or so...but even then it’s taken me 7 months to finally interview a babysitter.
🔹Mom guilt is no joke. No matter how many times I tell myself, doing things for yourself or as a couple is NOT selfish, each time I try to get the courage to do it, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for enjoying myself without our son or without Christian. It’s crazy honestly. I feel guilty being a stay at home mom & not financially providing so I fight with myself on whether I should go back to work sooner.
🔹So here I am. 7 months & some days later. Day by day I am recalibrating and finding my balance. Finding that strong woman inside of me again, who is not only a mom, but a kick ass wife, friend & woman! I will get there. I try not to be to hard on myself because. DAMN, this shit is hard sometimes! @mattersofmotherhood